Hesitate“ – that word sums up my life pretty much. I always hesitate before taking action. I remember a few times where I actually started doing the exact thing that was going on in my head. I remember feeling great and alive. You may ask, why I won’t keep realizing my ideas, right? Well for that, let me take you on a little journey.
I am a really really .. I mean REALLY thoughtful person. I overthink every little detail and start weighing opinions in my head. I start thinking about the outcome and if I could deal with whatever my decision is going to bring with it. Based on that I will take action. I know, it’s probably not the best way to act upon your imaginations, dreams etc. I also know I should trust my intuition more and just go for it, but that’s the part. The „just-go-for-it“ part won’t work for me. I will keep thinking about what the consequences of my decision could be. I literally think about it every free second of my life. Doesn’t matter if I am having a bath reading my favorite book on how to be a badass and living in „the zone“ (which means living in the here and now) or lying in bed trying to fall asleep.
As soon as it gets dark outside the demons free themselves from their cages and start wandering around in the depths of my brain. There is no way I can stop them. That is basically how I roll. Everything in my life revolves around thinking.
I try to work against my demons by reading my favorite book over and over and over again. It helps me stay motivated for a short period of time but I’m getting there. The first time I have read it, my motivation to be more spontaneous lasted only for about a few days. Now after reading it for the 100th time, it feels, the motivation lasts for weeks even months now. I am getting closer and closer to my goal. Even though there are a few demons still left in my brain, I do have them under control most of the time.