I’ve got bad jokes just to pass the time in social settings but I’m dead inside. I’m not sure what you want from me at all.
The past couple of weeks I have forced myself to go outside and socialise with others in hope I could silence the demons living inside of my head. For most of the time I was able to put on a mask and pretend as if everything was fine. I would be around friends feeling nothing but empty. Nothing in particular was bothering me or so it seemed to me. I just had nothing left to say. Not even a single word. It was like sitting with a group of people, staring into the unknown and completely blocking out their voices. Almost as if I was hypnotised by the dark and distant sky above us. It gave me a feeling of comfort. Comfort the people around me wouldn’t be able to give me.
However there was one person who was able to accept the fact that I was hollow inside. They would sense when I was putting up a show. They were the only one I couldn’t trick into thinking I was doing fine even though I was breaking apart on the inside. They didn’t change the fact I was feeling dead inside, they just made this whole thing bearable. It needed nothing more than their presence to make me feel I can handle this emptiness eating me from inside.